Because of several upcoming drastic changes in my job, this week I have been thinking about retirement more than ever before. But I have been in my workplace for almost 34 years, and it is a very big part of my identity. So I go back and forth with thinking about it. Today I printed out a lot of documents and check-lists to read; there is a lot of financial and insurance stuff I would rather not deal with, but I know I have to. The thought of cleaning out my office is depressing, as there is so much of it.
I know I can take this step-by-step, and get support from my T, but it's all so overwhelming: I need to think about it, but it's causing me so much anxiety and depression, but the thought of staying and trying to survive the changes is equally awful.
I actually made a list of things I could do after I retire. I've never done that before.
The thing is, my T is also close to retirement. She's already decreased the number of hours she's in the office.
I don't know how I'm going to survive all of these changes. When I saw her this week, she reminded me to do my self-care and use my tools, so that I can keep myself from sliding further toward The Pit. But it's very hard to use my tools while I am actually at work. I feel.....stuck, frozen. Can't go forward, yet, but scared to remain here.