Hi, confusedgurl, welcome to PsychCentral. Congratulations on the weight loss! That is an achievement.

I respect my husband's judgement so I take what he says about me as "truth". I sometimes don't see what he says about me in myself but I feel it must be there if he sees it? So, I just accept it like I accept a light will come on when I flip a switch without knowing how electricity works (my husband is an electrical engineer :-)

For myself, I do two things. I accept what my husband and other trusted people like my therapist say and I work toward understanding and seeing things like they see. I accept that it is "there" and that it is just me who can't see it. Too, since I accept that I'm intelligent and sexy (I weight 265 pounds, by the way :-) and kind and loving, etc. I look for those things in myself.

Take, for example, the fact that you are hard working. I know you are because you lost 65 pounds. I want to lose just 15 for the moment and I'm having a heck of a time! And I assume your husband tells you how desirable you are to him? Mine does also. How can we can we call them liars by acting like we are not? I know you're intelligent too because I know I am and you're following my logic now so you must be too.

Work on making friends with yourself instead of opposing yourself. If you met a girl like me or yourself, you wouldn't look at them and burst into tears would you? You wouldn't think they were particularly unattractive? You'd be interested in them and want to get to know them and what they liked and become friends with them. Start a journal or something where you talk to your inside, real self? Sometimes I talk to my body, which got so large to "protect" me emotionally. I came up with a name for my body and talk to it as if it is sentient. I thank it for taking care of me and being so strong as to carry all this extra weight for me and yet still work as hard as it does to allow me to do what I want. Do that with your inner you too, when your inner critic puts you down, stand up for yourself. All the critics have is name calling and you have true intelligence. You can make fun of them and point out things like "Well, my husband thinks I'm sexy, you calling my husband a liar?" and then get "angry" that your critic would imply your husband is a liar. Figure out ways to be on your own side. When you cry, dry your tears tenderly! It's "all" You and all good.