I hate this friggin illness. My life was already complicated enough but now I have spiraled downwards. It's been 5 years since I've battled the damn illness (schizophrenia). It came as a blow when i first got dianosed. I'm like me? No, no way. I dont even know where the heck I got this sickness. My parents don't have it. Its supposed to be genetic.. I somehow always feel like I'm inside this guys head all the time. Like I can be him and whatnot. I feel like this is so real because I'm this very socially awkward person, who seems wiered i would guess to "normal everyday people" and when I think of this guy its like I can be like him and people respond to me differently even. Also I keep feeling people are "faking me" like emulating me and it''s driving me more mad cus I can't stand people doing me. It's as if anyone can do me and they're always laughing at it when they fake what I'm like. I know this sounds wiered. Anyone relate to this. They say I have schizophrenia but I have actually ever heard voices, or hullicinated. But I know its delusional thinking you can see through the eyes of someone else other than yourself. The worser thing is where the hell do you go to get help? I keep thinking if I just get the right therapist orf phychotherapy I could be like everyone else. I guess that delusional as well but thats the only hope I have. Only everytime I call one up a professional none of them seem able to take on schizophrenia, as you out of touch with realtiy. This really SUCKS. My life sucked before but this is worse. It has set me back and its unfair . Normal people don't have to worry about thoughts being put in their heads and thier thoughts being brodcasted to eveyone.
I keep looking for help but keep getting none. I finally got a hold of the "ACT( Assertive community treatment) team who are made up of a group of people such as a psychiatrist, social worker, occupational worker, Registered nurses etc, who are supposed to help people with severe mental illness (mainly schizophrenia and bipolar). I thought to myself," yay this is what i have been longing for" Yet the thoughts in my head seemed to tell me that this isn't going to help, its a waste of your time . I just dispelled these thoughts as the illness trying to stop me, but the thoughts alway seem right. After meeting with the doctor and another person, I got to thinking this is not going to help me they ways I thought it would get help. This is all just so depression. How long do I have to suffer with this illness and depression as well as anxiety