Things went much better than expected. I had sent both girls a acknowledging the pain I've caused over the years and asking for forgiveness. I didn't get a response from either. I've been sending them text messages and calling now and then. I get very short and abrupt answers. Day before yesterday I sent the oldest daughter a text and she actually , responded, "I've missed having my mom in my life for some time now.." I called her and asked if based on her text she would meet me after services this morning and I would drive 1-1/2 hours after to church to talk. She agreed once she found a sitter.

I told her that I feel like I'm making overtures that are falling on deaf ears. So, I was hoping me coming and saying it personally would soften her heart and assuage some anger. I also told her I wanted her to have an opportunity to say anything she felt she needed to get off her chest and ask questions. I also hoped we could identify ways to move forward and I don't understand what progress she needs to see.

She immediately went to the DWI. She doesn't understand how if I was receiving treatment I would do that. I explained the way they triate up on Lamictal. I had been on 25 mg for two weeks for 2 days when I had teh "message fom God" to run my car into the River. She started crying asking if they weren't good enough for me to live. Of course she is and I told her so. In my mind during those episode.

She ended by saying thank you for coming up. She really needed I I told her I've not had alcohol since the DWI. She said that's her biggest concern. She doesn't want ner kids pu in any danger, which I totally get. I let go of the fact that talkinto to two year old on her birthday over the phone wasn't going to put her danger. She is seeing a counselor and I think that good for her. She has a lot of anxiety. She seems to think she's expected to forgive, move on, and go back to normal. I explained that was not possible and hopefully she could get that stree s off of her. Even if we all wanted to go back to the way it was there's too much water under the bridge. Besides, the way it was was not healthy. We need forge a new relationship forward. She eneded by saying she doesn't think all of her childhood was terrible. She many good memories and knows I love her. She needs me knot she loves me and want a reltationsip with her mom. She says shes going to need time to process the hurt and anger. I responded and said I would respect that but I needed her guidance on what was appropriate. Did she want space in terms of me backing off for a while, or texting, or calling. She wants phone calls. I said ok and asked if I could make a request. she said yes. I aslked her to give more than one word sentences and actively participate in the conversation because it is very discouraging to make the call and get nothing buy, 'yes', no, I'm not sure, maybe.

I feel like it was a pretty good first step. I hope I can stay focused on recovery and not give her a reason to doubt me. she even showed me pictures of photos.