Quote:
Originally Posted by Confused1984
My partner never admits wrong doing. If he does, it's just the words to avoid conflict, end conversation etc. etc. He also never validates how I feel. He minimizes my feelings or tells me I'm wrong for feeling a certain way. For example, he has always had a very sarcastic humor. When it crosses the line and I tell him he went to far and hurt my feelings he will behave dismissively and say that I am "overreacting" or "too-sensitive" He especially behaves this way in front of his family. He flat refuses to discuss any relationship issues with me stating I'm only nagging him or wanting to fight. He flat doesn't help around the house (except for cutting grass 2x month. Also, he doesn't help with the kids much maybe 15% overall. I have a full time job also. When I bring this up he blames his job (he works nights) or illness (he has health issues he will not get help for) or he tries to turn it around on me and nitpick the way I raise the kids or keep the house. The times I push the issue of talking about all this and I can't just turn away and shut up AGAIN he refuses to acknowledge me, tells me to leave him alone, completely ignores me, and it usually ends with him aggressively yelling "LEAVE ME ALONE" with some kind of aggressive posturing like balled fist or acting as if he is going to hit the wall, furniture, etc etc he has not hit me. This wrong in my soul but I keep trying to rationalize it.
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I wish for you to be well, Confused1984, and empathize with you immensely.
From what you wrote, you are indeed a victim of psychological and emotional abuse and manipulation and of control/dictation in general (and maybe more.) To list some of the tactics that are defined as "emotional abuse" and/or "psychological abuse" in which he is engaging are:
denial (of responsibility, actions, words,)
stonewalling,
marginalization,
humiliation (disguised as "humor,")
neglect,
intimidation,
threats and more.
As much as your consciousness (as in decisions, perspectives, emotions) may seem like "rationalizations," if you are emotionally attached to this person and/or like/love him, you are probably engaging in
cognitive dissonance. In general, victims of abuse often develop emotional attachments and/or like/love the person before abuse begins to serve as a/the dominant trait in a relationship. I am not claiming that you should tolerate the abusing or anything similarly. I am merely indicating to you that the dynamics of a relationship, which is abusive in any form, is complicated to say the least in most cases.