Quote:
Originally Posted by Innerzone
Sole caregiver is hard. Really hard. I don't have the same situation -- not a parent (not gonna happen), but my BF after spinal surgery. That didn't heal right, so supposed to go in for second one sometime soon. And a spell of every 8 hours for 6 weeks antibiotic infusions. Earlier on he was far more dependent (and will be again soon). We're at the year mark so far. No friends. No local relatives.
Will the caretaker be taking her to appointments or do you need off of work to help her (or can she manage herself on that)? I hope your workplace is flexible with that.
The only way to make time for yourself is to insist on it. And like WC said, be very firm about it. Think about what you'd like to do for yourself from the bigger things to the little and make a list. Maybe carve out a chunk of time on one or both of your days off to do them. Also, trying to be mindful can help --like getting tidbits of refreshment in the midst of ordinary things.
|
Actually, she won't be able to get to her appointments by herself. I'm trying to find a caregiver who has the time to take her to appointments and to doerrands. My work schedule is pretty flexible, but since I'm a casual/freelancer, I don't get paid if I don't work.
But she will need me at some appointments anyway, because she's terrible about giving her medical history, asking questions, and remembering what happened afterwards.
As has been alluded to, I know it's very important to set boundaries; with my mother and myself. For example, I need to get to bed very early because the night meds I take necessitate a great deal of sleep. At least my mother is very aware of this. She will only agree to a couple of hours of a caregiver a day and yet, she not only needs help with her own stuff (bathing, doing light housework, etc.), she needs help doing errands and going to appointments, which takes more hours for a caregiver. But at least I could take her the supermarket (also so she gets out) on weekends with me and do my own grocery shopping at the same time.
It's going to be very very hard. My brother -who won't/can't help- says I'm resentful of him. I insist I'm not. But I am... I need to work on my relationship with him and try to let go of the resentment, or we're not going to get along and my relationship with him is very important to me.
Thanks everyone for all your support.