((((soliaree))) Part of what your T is modeling for you is that though you feel punished and abandoned, T will still be there. What you are experiencing is part and parcel of therapy...and it's tough work. Going slowly sometimes is faster... wanting to rush through things is normal, as it's thought it will lessen the time of the pain.

Please know that Ts fully understand the emotional pain of therapy. It's still ok for you to remind them that you need to hear it from them, that they understand.