It sounds like your mother unknowingly raised you to have a lot of self doubt. Often this kind of relationship between a parent and child can actually be handed down and considered "normal". Often a conversation is like handing in a paper that needs to be corrected, where the feedback is always emphasizing what's considered wrong instead of focusing more on what is right and good. A parent can actually play the "critical" role not realizing that instead of actually helping their child build healthy self esteem, the parent is consistently trampling on it by disagreeing and criticizing instead.

Well, that's what parents were taught to do in public, remember her age and generation.
There are two conversations that take place, one in private where the parent corrects the child and another in public where the parent tries to praise the child. Keep in mind this pattern of behavior was practiced not really realizing that private interactions can adversely affect self esteem. Parents in your mother's generation were often encouraged to criticize and punish in order to maintain control over their children in their own home, but they tend to be more careful not to do that in public.

What you have been doing now is noticing what your interactions with your mother mean to you, how after confiding in her you end up with a bad feeling about yourself instead of having your conversations actually provide you with a feeling that you have been heard and you have just felt actual love and support and given permission to make important decisions of your own.

Stepping back and actually looking at this challenge can help you see how your mother has been consistently showing you "what she knows" how to do and interact. This is how she learned to organize her interactions based on "her" generation and personal history.

What bothers you about her is that she doesn't actually allow you to have "control". That is why you tend to always feel let down and disappointed whenever you talk to her.

Yes, you can learn to have this conversation where a part of you finally realizes that your mother only follows a pattern of behavior that she herself can't seem to recognize never provides you with permission to actually develop "healthier" self esteem. Then this part of you can begin to slowly work on learning how to reduce the feeling you get when you do interact with her. This is not easy because your interactions with your mother have developed a pattern in you for a lot of years and part of that is wanting something from her that she is not ever going to be capable of giving you. You are going to need to "learn" how to identify whatever power she has over you and then learn to gradually no longer allow her to have this power. I know this can be a challenge, there is no real "just" don't allow about it IMHO. Often a family member or partner or someone in close contact can have a lot of power over us emotionally that we don't consciously realize. It's not easy to "just" stop the deep emotional "training" that can actually span one's lifetime of experiencing. It really requires a person to learn how to develop a lot of "patience with self".