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I think in my first email to her, I think I started with...Feel free to charge me some "clinical reading fee" or something

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I also told my T that he should somehow charge me for reading my emails (Pre-ban era). He said that if they became cumbersome that he would think about it.

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If my therapist said to me: 'Hey, I accepted your letters in the beginning because you were having trouble. But now, you need to stop sending this crap. I would be OK with that'

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Yeah, you're a better person than I. I bawled on the couch when he said, "You can no longer send me emails and any phone calls have to be calls in which you need to go to the hospital". I always wondered also if he thought my emails were helpful. Now I've heard my answer loud and clear, LOL!

No, you're not a freak! I'm not sure, but I think it has something to do with how you act around others. For example, do you do what you want to do if given the chance or do you base your actions on other people's expectations? A few things you said of interest were "how would a "normal" person deal with this freedom", "what is she learning about me based on the boundaries I set for myself?????", and "Maybe she truly doesn't give a crap what I do". Maybe instead of writing when and what you want you want her to set boundaries so you feel comfortable? I may be way off base. However, I am exactly like that.

Take care,
Soliaree