This is going to sound callous, but he became interpersonally incapacitated (brain cancer) in October and died 4 weeks ago. But I can't say I miss him yet. I loved him because he was my dad, but to be truthful he gave me more heartache than comfort or security. He was never abusive or anything like that - just self-absorbed, arrogant, and judgmental. He was not the kind of father I needed or wanted.

Ironically, my brother (2 years younger than I) remains devastated by the loss of our dad, and considers our dad to have been the best father who ever lived. You should have heard the eulogy he wrote. I wondered 'why don't I see him the same way?' But I don't... My dad basically treated my brother and me the same - perhaps slightly different because of our genders. The main difference is how WE treated HIM. My brother was completely deferential and worshipping, but I ... was not. Truth be told I didn't really like him very much.

But shouldn't I still miss my own father?