Being mean, vicious, and nasty is never good, and yes it is abusive.
But “Is it ok?” Is a matter of to whom. Is it ok with you? If you allow them to do it, then I guess it is ok with you.
And yes, ditto for me, I also said some mean, nasty things to my husband and we are now divorcing. I don’t think I’m a narcissist. I was very angry, frustrated, and just wanted to push him away. I also was raised with a bad role model who did that. She has no remorse about it. I have terrible remorse about it. So bad, I filed for divorce to stop the toxic relationship.