I'm sitting in my car across the street from a CVS trying to decide whether I want to go in and buy razor blades.

How would you respond if I tell you about this and I hadn't bought them? What if I bought them but didn't use them? What if I did use them? Would you be disappointed in me? Would you abandon me again?
I should just ask you tomorrow... You gave me your word that you'd be honest with me. But part of me wants to test it to know for sure.
Part of me wants to show you that I'm not as strong as you think I am and you shouldn't have faith in me because I'll continue to let everyone down. Will you stick around once you see what you're really dealing with?

I still haven't made up my mind. I hate this. Why can't I just let myself get better?

Edit: I bought the razor blades but I'm not going to cut. I'm going to draw on myself and be gentle towards myself and write kind compassionate things on myself.
God, what the f*** has therapy done to me? Who am I? Seriously wtf. I wouldn't have even considered doing this a few months ago. We definitely need to talk about this tomorrow though. I'm going to choose to communicate using my words instead of acting out. Ugh.