i can relate. i've always been turned on by pain, and now find it so confusing, because i'm in recovery from self harm and don't know what is ok and what isn't. i have no idea if something in my upbringing made me this way, but i suspect so, because i've been this way as long as i can remember.
this might be triggering...

with self-harming it was never sexual for me, but i found it relaxing and do find stuff like getting piercings relaxing. i also just get confused about what is ok.... like i like getting piercings but am i just making an excuse to act out?