Sorry if this is too long, I'm writing out everything that has been on my mind for awhile.

I was diagnosed about 25 years ago & put on Depakote & Lamectal, been taking them for years & am doing well on them. I've been taking the same dosage for years. The last time I saw my psych, my Depakote levels were within range.

About 4 years ago, at the age of 60, I was diagnosed as ADHD & was put on Adderrall, without it causing any issues with my BiPolar.

About a year ago, I moved to a different stat, to a new psych & they took me off of my Adderall because of my age, & the fact that I didn't work! I have been off of Adderall for a year but she wanted me to go to CBT. I even asked about non-stumulents & even though, I had high blood pressure, they wouldn't prescribe anything.

However, the psych didn't like my cholesterol levels, so she told me to diet, exercise & lose weight. My cholesterol level was 204 (it has to be 200 or less), & if it didn't come down, I would have to go on statins! I found out that the new standard for cholesterol is, if your number is at or over (how far over), the you should immediately put on statins! The strand thing is, I happened to get it tested a week later (at a different lab) & it came up 180!

I have been given the same message about diet, exercising & losing weight since I was 8 years old. When I look at my old pictures, I wasn't "obese", I was large, the only defense I have is, I'm second generation Polish & from peasant stock & I, well, look like a peasant!

I have said, I've struggled with weight loss since I was 8 years old, at the age of 17, I went to a doctor who put me on "diet" pill & given diuretic shots! Over the years, I've gotten amphetamines, legal & illegal, hoping for "societies" idea of the perfect weight. I've wasted thousands of dollars on specialized weight plans & spent hours & hours in gyms trying to get that perfect weight loss! Being told this has become a trigger because I've heard it ALL before, & it causes me to go into over drive! I don't need to hear it again!

I thought that I had an addiction of amphetamines, but I never craved or thought about using them when I wasn't taking anything. In fact, when I stopped taking them, my body didn't notice it & my brain adjusted just fine...for awhile, until the ADHD clicks in. I realized that my "addiction" wasn't for the drug but the idea of "societies" ideal of the "perfect" weight. I didn't have any other eating disorders, only the obsession of search for the "perfect" weight. The BMI chart has become my worst enemy!

After receiving the lecture, once again, I changed my eating habits (using a phone app), do 1 hour on the tread mill everyday & walk the dog. On the average I clock about 5 - 10 miles a day.

I've lost 10 pounds & it seems that my ADHD has become full blown! Not only did my attention span worsen, my anger is starting to get out of control! One day, I got mad at my dog!

And to top things off, it seems like my BiPolar is starting to flip-flop. Is it because of the weight loss also?

Any answers about what's going on & how to cope with this until I get a new psych? I'm not going back to my old psych so I can get lectured again on weight loss.

Thanks for your time for reading through this & thank you, in advance for any help you can give me.