I too fantasize a lot about dying and I know this is a coping mechanism, because although I may think I want to die, I am committed to sticking around because I have responsibilities as a parent. I have extensively researched methods and read a lot on the subject (actually right now I'm reading a book written by a mortician, about various "cases" that touched her). I feel like this is comforting in a way to know that I have the choice and this option is here if I really want it someday. But again, I'm committed to being here at least for the long-term.