So yesterday I had my first day at the new job. It was all etraining/elearning stuff so not a bit deal. I decided when the day was done I would take a peek at the store next door where I would be working. I was in for a bit of a shock, the store was not what I thought it would be and I felt a bit anxious.

I decided to walk around the store and eventually I approached someone behind the counter to introduce myself and see if the manager (whom I know a little bit, from my previous job). All I got was "he's not here". I am not a social person and even approaching someone like I did got my stomach twisting. But that guy did not help.

I also had issues with my commute, I think the highway I take to get to the new job has got to be pretty high on the deadliest roads list. I nearly got into 30+ accidents in what was about a total of an hour or so of travel to and from work.

So last night on my way home and all night long, I know this is not going to work out and I should just quit before I get too deep in. A message or two from my brother and a friend convinced me to go in today. Now I just know this job is not going to work. I spent the first half of my day at the etraining then I went next door to close. The system they use is complicated and even with the training and watching people use the system, I will be lost for weeks. Not to mention I will be working nights and weekends, I just started getting better hours at my old job.

I am a grown man and I was in tears on my way home tonight, and still am a bit. I am stuck because, if I quit this job I may not be able to go back to the last job and it would be way too embarrassing to go back. I will also hear it from not only my brother who told me about the job, but also the few friends and family I have.

I really just want to sit in my room and do nothing for the rest of my life. I am tired of having to work. I am tired of dealing with people. I am tired of dealing with all my issues both physically and mentally. There is a chance if I fall asleep tonight that I may not get out of bed to go to work tomorrow afternoon. But then who is going to pay my bills, so that I have a roof over my head, hot water and internet access for my cell phone?

I never wanted any of this...