I had a rupture with my therapist recently, related to her flaking out on me on multiple occasions in a short period of time (a few months). She cancelled on me with several hours notice a couple of times, and also twice when I was already at her office bc of things that came up with her kids. I understand that life happens, but also felt like I needed more from her in terms of addressing and repairing the inconsistency.

I tend to back away from anger, but made a stunted attempt to express how angry and hurt I feel about her inconsistency. She encouraged my anger, but has seemed unable to address her side of the issue to my satisfaction. I'm honestly not sure if that's about my inability to accept her apology, or her own shame/defensiveness getting in the way. Or both of course.

She was the one who posited that perhaps her shame got in the way of apologizing initially. And that she was concerned that an apology would fall flat and trivialize my hurt and angry feelings. Which I can understand, but what seems to be missing is her asking or offering about how to make this right. I had to tell her I wanted an apology.

And at the same time, I can't put my finger on why I can't seem to accept her apology and move on. I can be stubborn about forgiveness, the legacy of multiple previous betrayals (by others, not her).

I'm mostly just trying to write out my experience here. But if anyone wants to share about how they are able to accept their therapist's apologies, that's welcome too.