Thanks, Slumber. I agreed that there's nothing wrong with loving your T--it seems totally natural, given the intensity that can be there in the relationship. But I just worry about sharing the words.

You're new here (welcome!), so, entirely too long background: I told ex-T twice, first time was awkward, second time she basically said she loved me too without officially saying it. With ex-marriage counselor, for whom I had strong transference (which I'd talked to him some about)...first time, he said it was OK, though I'd said it on phone to him like, "If I love you, is that OK?" and he said it was OK. Second time (like a year later) over email, more awkward, where he said it was "kind of me," which upset me because, as I said, that's what you say to someone who compliments your sweater. We talked a bit about it, was OK.

The last time I told ex-MC was after I'd started to detach from him a bit, over a year after the last "I love you." I'd gone to this concert for a band who had some songs I associated with him. I felt pretty emotional afterward and sent him this email saying "I love you so much" and that I didn't expect him to reciprocate, just accept it, say was OK. He replied, saying "Of course it's OK!" and that it's not a minor thing, something I should talk to him or current T about. When I tried to get him to schedule a phone call (something he'd done before, despite being my marriage counselor, and my H was generally OK with it), he got all evasive, and finally, like a week later, he said we could talk briefly, but he'd do all the talking. The talk very quickly went south, with us both sort of attacking each other, then at the end, he said I had to reduce contact with him. Which led to the end, and we ultimately terminated in April (call was December, but we only met periodically in between there). He later confirmed it was the "I love you" that made him change how he was to me. And he was this incredibly important person to me, seeming that he accepted me no matter what, being caring, understanding me as I'd felt no one else had before...then it felt like that went away because I'd expressed my feelings (it's much more complicated than all that--PM me if you want all the details). I've contacted him since, and he does still care, it's just...so different.

And when I'd shared with current T the email I'd sent ex-MC, he seemed to understand at the time why ex-MC reacted as he did. But that was like 6 months ago, and current T seems to have come around on some things and is more understanding and accepting of me and my attachment. Still wouldn't share those words with him, at least anytime in the foreseeable future, just because of what happened before.