Just looked at my 'facebook memories'.

Today it's three years since I was forced to leave the job that I loved, in the place that I loved, with the people I loved. I am crying now thinking about it and I realise that I still haven't really processed that loss. It still hurts as much as it ever did.

That also means it's been three years since my partner had a job. I know that I need to talk to him, that I need to tell him that it's time to get his s**t together, because I can't go on like this... and neither can he.

It was around five years ago that Ani came into my life - facebook showed me all the pictures of her that I posted then. She is so f***ing beautiful and I miss her so much.

Looking back, five years ago seems like it must have been an idyllic time. I suppose it probably wasn't.

Usually I would see you tonight. We could talk about all of this. I could cry a lot about it... use up all your tissues.

But you're not here. So I'll just cry on the bus instead.