I had my appointment with the MDPU today - it's a teaching and research hospital and the MDPU is the mood, disorders, psychopharmacology, unit. It's where I got my bipolar diagnosis.

I was hoping for something to help me out of my depression which I have been in for the past 10 months now. I was hoping for a definitive approach.

What I got instead was the usual 'let's try this and let's try that'. I suppose it's all I can expect - better than nothing.

Among the things the doctor suggested were a combination of olanzapine and fluoxetine, perhaps trying Modafinil and other stimulants to help my mood.

And all along I was thinking, I've reached the end of the line - I've pretty much gone through things that work for many people and am now into territory the doctor himself called 'creative'.

I had a Starbucks coffee on the way back and it didn't lift my spirits at all - it usually makes me feel better for about 30 min - nothing this time.

It'll be weeks before there are any changes to my meds. The MDPU doctor said it'll take a few weeks to get a note of their findings over to my pdoc, plus my pdoc is on vacation. So now I wait and try to find a way to continue to live with this ****** depression.