If you read my last post in this forum (which was actually my first post ever) you'll understand what I am about to vent on.

Ok - for the record, I'm talking about the same ex who has the alcohol problem and here's the update on that:

He's joined AA and has been sober for 30 days. He is also seeing a therapist for his anger/abuse problems. He seems to be doing well. We do see each other some but I refuse to let him move back in or get TOO close. He needs time to grow for himself and I am content to let him have that time. I'm very happy with my life the way it is and very at peace. That tells me - I'm doing the right thing. And, he opened the doors on his business 2 days ago. I believe he is trying. Time will tell if it's for real.

Now, here's the interesting part. He has a website for his business that I maintain. I went into change something and I checked some of the email. I was cleaning out the archives and came across old emails from his ex (the mother of his children). After the breakup and his violence toward me I had contacted her to get her side of the story (she was with him for 10 years and I figured she would know him pretty well). She basically made him out to be this horrible person and said he was definitely aggressive, yadda, yadda. Basically kinda took my side.

As I read these emails out of SHEER curiosity. I look at the dates. These are all dated the same time her and I were talking. Some of her emails were pretty derogatory about me. For instance one said, "If you were violent I would know, don't let her play head games with you so you can go back to her and she can control you like a puppet.". What is funny is I never asked Mark for anything or tried to control him. I am a very freedom loving person. If I wanted to control him I'd move him right back in with me, let crap go back to the way it was, and have my way. I want none of that. Not for my future or his.

There would be alot of times that those two (my ex and his ex) would get into arguments and the next thing he would want to do is pick up a beer. They used to get into screaming matches. And finally I just told him - "don't let her get to you". That's what she wanted. I mean HORRIBLE screaming over the phone matches that I found very childish.

Are there really people out there like that? That want to hang over someone like that. When I finally started to talk to Mark again he admitted to me that it was unfair that he had not totally let her out of his life while he and I were in a relationship and vowed to keep her out of his business and life in general of course with the exception of caring for his children.

I don't know. I mean Mark could have forwarded all those emails to me. But he didn't. I saw them all on my own. And by the way, I told him I read them because I didn't want to seem like I was being sneaky, I was just imminently curious. And he just said o.k., that's fine and didn't harp on how bad of a person she was. He just said, "Well, that's why I try not to talk to her at all anymore unless it has to do with the kids."

How do you deal with someone like that? I'm content to let her be but, my bejezus! What an eye opener!