I think my experience shares some similarities. My relationship with my therapist was very wounding, but I also really loved her and felt attached to her (which is part of the wound). I had to leave because it was hurting me more than helping me--and she, too, was not good at discussing our relationship or facilitating the aftermath of ruptures.

I also take on the bulk of blame for that relationship failing. In many ways, she was very, very good to me. But if I listed all the things she said/did that really hurt me, she'd sound like a terrible therapist. (I think it's possible that she's actually not very skilled in the profession, I don't know)

Still, I keep telling myself, if I were strong enough/kind enough/graceful enough/etc, I'd be able to simply accept things as they were instead of letting the relationship take so much control over me. I also have thoughts of her popping into my head every day, and I find it difficult to quiet them down. For me, I feel like I was handed this mother figure who turned out to be all smoke and mirrors, and I just keep going back and replaying everything and trying to understand what went wrong. Shame runs deep. I hope the difficult feelings you're experiencing soften soon.