I feel my use of masochism does stem from my MH issues. I need physical pain to try to match or balance the mental pain. So far nothing has come close. But with physical pain, especially from my Sadist who understands how my mind works in certain areas, it does help. But the release & play is such a very small calm area in me & now knowing that area exists....brings me even more MH pain.
No one knows this about me, that’s close to me & it’s not a topic of conversation. It’s a very dark part & needs to stay there.