I don’t know what to do and feel overwhelmed. My husband just graduated from college and doesn’t have any real work experience. He hasn’t been looking for work even though he knows I need him to contribute. He rarely brushes his teeth or takes showers, even when I ask him to. All he does is play video games all day. I work full time.

I suffer from depression that can get very severe. The last time I was unemployed, I would get so anxious and overwhelmed that I went for months at a time not applying for jobs. He was very patient with me during this time and didn’t pressure or guilt trip me. So now that the tables have turned, I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to be a hypocrite, but now that’s he’s graduated, money is a lot tighter without his scholarships.

He has been on a waitlist to see a psychiatrist for over half a year now, and is taking some antidepressants that don’t do much. He also takes medication for his ADHD which helps somewhat. He’s tried a lot of different antidepressants over the years and none have worked. I’ve asked him to see a therapist, but he said he’s done that in the past and doesn’t think it’s useful. He’s shy and doesn’t even tell me everything that’s going on in his head, so I can understand, but I don’t know what other options would be available. I’ve told him he can’t just wait for the right drug to fix everything. I personally have learned a lot of different coping skills through therapists and suggested he could do the same, but he isn’t motivated.

He needs help and I don’t know how to give it to him. We already put in work keeping me afloat, and now that I’m functioning again I don’t know how to pull him up. He’s quiet and doesn’t complain so it’s easy to leave things at the status quo and just let him play games all day. But the bigger gap on his resume, the harder it’ll be to get a decent job. More importantly, I want him to be happy. What can I do?