First of all ~ e-hugs for your distress. I'm so sorry you're struggling with this!
Believe me, I know the feeling -- from both sides. My late Grandmother was the pickiest, most persnickety, fussiest person on earth when it came to 'how things must be done(or the world would cave in, was the implication!) arrgh. This woman, the mother of 8 children of whom my mamma was eldest, IRONED SOX & UNDERWEAR!! Yikes. Also dishcloths and face-cloths. Because it "made them softer". Holycrow...
No one could do it to suit, no matter what. And as I've grown older, I've come to se that there are things that are important to us individually, according to our natures. My laundry must be done a certain way --- therefore I never let my late husband nor offspring touch my things. lol

OTOH I hated and still despise vacuuming, so my late husband did, and now my fiancé does, that chore. He, OTOH, wouldn't even notice dust unless it grew to a landslide depth and buried him... so that's my thang.
I reckon what I'm trying to say is, it can be hard to reach a point of understanding where each of you are able to make some concessions: The point, after all, is to have a comfortable and manageable life, right?
I hope you and your mother are able to sit down and discuss your feelings and concerns. Believe me, she doesn't want to feel harried and upset any more than you do -- although she may have a hard time admitting this, I don't know.
Personally, I think you're doing marvelously - you've no idea the number of families I know who have adult children living with them, who are neither working, attending uni/studying, nor making the slightest effort to be helpful in the home. Well done! (even tho I know it probably doesn't feel that way atm. ). And aggravating as it can be for you there is this: It's temporary, right?

Hang in there.

Best,
Chyia, BTDT brigade