We have all been busy as beavers here justifying our positions and getting fixed behind them--myself included and probably the instigator!

So we argue and muse should we be allowed to call? Should T call us? If so, should he charge? Should we pay? Should we develop a system of self care? Should we support one another?

My answer to all of these is yes -- but I think we're missing the critical component that is the alliance--Therapist and patient as partners in healing the fractured self.

Personally, I have been all over the map thinking T abandoned me--wishing he would call--getting angry when he didn't and experiencing the deep, deep pain of abandonment and child abuse. I shared my experience and many of you had deep reactions--thank you and I hope I didn't trigger you to polarize your feelings.

Here is what I know. It is in the working through, experiencing this pain, feeling like you are bleeding all over and then reconstituting to the adult self--that true healing takes place. But this can only be done WITH T, withing the structure and framework of the therapeutic alliance. It doesn't happen alone or in a vacuum. This is huge for me because I had become self reliant in a very big way, and have struggled with dependence.

T and I have an arrangement that suits us both and allows both of our needs to be met. He will always be there for me if I need him. We just exchanged messages and I feel held once again. But feeling the ground beneath my feet again, happened within the context of the relationship--the alliance.

I think we are all doing a great job.