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ClaireM · 02:06 AM

i dream of

Possible trigger:

being chopped up/killed in some other brutal, bloody way. when my horror-fixated friend says he'll do same my legs tingle (feels amazing) & i relax totally & encourage him to make his threats against my life worse. he looks as if, were i to annoy him too much he would carry them out. when a mutual friend warned me against going to our local shop due to there being 3 men wielding machetes i shot down there straightaway.

it's hard for me to relax anyway as i am wheelchair bound, stiff & need help w/ almost everything physically (most of us do but he doesn't. i am 4ft, have no upper body strength & wouldn't be able to get away. there are v few who can make me relax but he can.

Possible trigger:

is it cos people who aren't disabled often say they'd want to die so i feel i should. am i bored. when he said before he leaves (any time something doesn't suit he wants to leave) he'd batter me to death in my own bed, this was my reaction ==> :melting: