The only thing i spontaneously look forward to is food. but im trying to lose so thats another punch in the stomach. i also look forward days when i can sleep a lot but even though i feel better after i sleep around 12 hours, you understand its not something very helpful if i want to find something to live for or to be happy about.

and i cant think of anything else i really loof forward to.
everything else, like hanging out with my friend, family, having dinner out, learning about mental health, or even planning a travel etc. are not enough to make me happy. just a way to use time in a bette way. but i could well do without it all… and i do!

what i REALLY want is to lose consciousness and avoid everything.