Well... I don't know if I can relate to this in particular. But then I've never done all of the stuff you've done in an effort to heal. For me, at this point, it simply doesn't feel worth the effort. Plus I seriously doubt it's even possible. Some things simply are what they are. And then also there's the question of what would it look like if I did "get better". I can't really fathom what that would look like. So, all-in-all, I don't know if you would call that being afraid... or just too worn down to care. Either way that's the way it is for me.