Thanks for reaching out, stahrgeyzer. Talking with a therapist isn't so bad -- in fact, personally, I find it easier to talk to a "stranger". I use quotes because they cease to be strangers before very long, and they provide a non-judgemental safe space to talk. Which is pretty cool as that can be hard to find outside.

I'm sorry you are going through such intense spells. I wonder if you might find DBT helpful(?) It is geared toward emotional regulation, which might ease the intensity of the episodes. Something to consider anyhow.

Sending good thoughts your way...