I'm feeling so guilty and bad about myself. I only did half of my normal exercise. My husband's friends brought over fried chicken, and I ate a biscuit, wing, and most of a thigh. Not to mention, I snacked on butter pecan ice cream in the afternoon. Breakfast and lunch were pretty normal.

I know I need to gain weight. Why do I feel guilty doing the right thing to help be a good support and role model for my 10 yr. old daughter?

Granted, that wasn't the healthiest meal in the world, and I hope I won't pay for it later (ulcer surgery does not seem fond of fatty foods). And I don't know why I worry. I think the surgery that had to do makes it harder for my body to absorb fat. It was a bit abnormal, due to my having a high muscle to fat ratio; I was a low normal weight at the time and had been that weight over a year without ED behaviors. The gastro-enterologist constantly points out that I was lucky to survive a perforated ulcer (happened because I was clueless I even had an ulcer - caused by a bacterial infection & use of NSAIDs but I had no symptoms, unlike most people with ulcers). The doctor told me part of this surgery the trauma surgeons had to do was akin to getting a gastric sleeve (which a person with an ED really doesn't need). The ED thoughts though, were always lurking in the background at that normal weight. I just didn't act on them.

Tomorrow we'll all be eating healthier. It's not that I cook super healthy meas and count calories. I don't count calories at all. Most of the meals I cook at home just tend to be better for you than fast food. It's the rare couple of days a month my husband's friends come over to do role playing games with him that we eat an unhealthy dinner.