I'm sorry you are struggling with this. I don't know as I have any particularly creative suggestions for you here. (Self-loathing is something I have a lot of experience with myself.) Here are links to a selection of articles, from PsychCentral's archives, that perhaps can be of some help:

On Hating Yourself Less

Try These 3 Tricks to Improve Your Self-Esteem

7 Tips to Raise Your Self-Esteem and Keep It There

8 Suggestions for Strengthening Self-Esteem When You Have Depression

Exploring Our Deepest Truths Through Writing

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/imper...s-and-anxiety/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to...nful-emotions/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/a-tech...nful-feelings/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/using-...o-reclaim-joy/

I wish you well...