I feel worse than ever . Each minute each hour I feel worse and worse . I keep sleeping as much as possible , it's the only thing that's saving me from acting on these thoughts . The world looks so ugly to me and people seem so horrible to me I want to escape from all of it . ( Nobody on pc I love you all ) . I can't tell people how I'm feeling ( apart from here ) . It's not accepted . I tried to tell my mum last week and she reacted by screaming and shouting and slamming doors and running up stairs . Then she came down and shouted at me till I cried. I don't live with her but I have to stay at her house sometimes , it's complicated. It's not safe for me to be honest and tell people how bad it is. I can't stand this. I can't bare it. It hurts that there is nobody in real life that I can tell the truth how bad it is. It makes me angry at all the fake people pretending mental health is accepted but it really isn't. What if I wrote on face book " somebody help me , I want to die " what would happen if I did that ? I would be called an attention seeker and people would be annoyed . Nothing good would come from it. I have nobody outside of here to turn to . If I did kill myself , people will be angry saying why didn't she ask for help , why didn't she let us know. Well they make it so hard to ask for help or tell your true feelings yet they will still say that . Hmm. My mum phoned me today and asked me how I am . I just said I was bored and fed up , that's all I felt comfortable to say . " I'm not bored or fed up " she replied. " I'm having a great time . When a depressed person tells you they are fed up oh it really means so much more than that but nobody in real life cares . I'm not going to continue like this. I've been thinking about a way I can end my life. I'm not allowed to say what it is. It's something I've tried before. I tried that method several times and I am still here though. But it's the only way I can think of. Im not going to stay here in this evil world .