omg. what have i done? THAT is how i feel.. what have i done? i am alone. COmpletely alone.

i am mistrustful of T... he was very supportive.. but did he ever think about how i would be afterwards? Did he think about the pain? He is there but not there. i am sitting here sick and really down.. lonely.. where is he? yeah.. i know and no, i dont want him here... but i am alone tho right? Yeah.. T is there.. sure. Hope he's enjoying his weekend.

i know that sounds bad.. its not his fault. Not his job to care how my weekend goes. Hes agood guy. its just me

did i think i'd feel better? if i did i wasn't thinking straight.

im alone. totally alone.

i just dont have it in me to keep at this. The best i can do is maybe not always answer the phone. i just dont know exactly why i should fight so hard... i am deeply tired inside.

i just want someone to hold me.. be with me a while. i dont want T for that of course.. but i want to not be alone like this. Being lonely is tolerable.. being alone is not.