Hello jianchen: Since this is your first post here on PC, welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

I'm sorry you are feeling so devoid of emotions & empathy. I don't know if there is a possibility of you talking all of this through with a mental health therapist. But I think that would be the way to delve into this. Yes, if you were sexually abused, that would certainly have a lasting effect on you I believe. Having been bullied in high school would also have an impact. (I was bullied both verbally & phsycially throughout high school too. And I've been mostly a loner much of my life as well.) So certainly you've had some experiences in your life that have likely contributed to how you live day-to-day now. Hopefully coming here to PC can also be of some help with this.

Here are links to 2 articles, from PsychCentral's archives, one about not feeling anything & one about feeling empty . Perhaps something in these articles may resonate with you:

When You Don't Feel Anything During Your Depression

When You Feel Empty: What It Means & What to Do

I wish you well...