Thanks to all those who replied.

I guess I am kind of 'bisexual' because of my psychological trauma? Due to the fact I am too much of 'childish, dependent freak who hasn't grown up' for girls, I look for boys that look like girls (not those who want to be a girl), and I am like, "Awwww he's so cute, he is blushing, he's gonna make me blush too" I definitely do not want to be a girl, but I act like I am their girlfriend in front of them.


It's a fact that I hide, and now as I am growing up and maturing, I am thinking less about guys but it's not like I am attracted to girls either, it's so confusing... But I do daydream about the relationship I had with several of my guy friends. I still smile when someone says something like, "Are you doing make up these days?" I giggle like a school girl. Not sure how weird it is to bystanders who are like, "He looks he's 25." They take into account my weight, my height, the hair on my body, my beard and my mustache....

I actually look a lot older than I am. Just today after botany practical a guy asked me how old I am, "Seventeen" was my answer. He laughed how teenagers laugh at jokes and told me I look way older than I am. I think it's due to stress that makes me look like I am in my 30's or even my 40's, not sure how I am gonna look before I die...

Anyway, I am again listening to Love Story by Taylor Swift and I am giggling thinking about a friend I met in college. Although now whenever I think about him it's not like I want to have sex with him, (may change my mind though, hehe) but I just find him cute and I am like, "He's so cute!!!! Awwwww, marry me."

Then again I need to improve a lot before finding a life partner (guy or gal), this includes losing weight, fixing my eyes, changing my personality, getting a permanent haircut, buying a manly bike, and acting like a typical guy in his 20's.