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Then I go home play the recording over and over, experience the pain, bleeding, and reconstructing alone but safe.

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Well, yes me too! I reconstructed today all by myself...

McKell I think that's how it works. (T's words.) We replay the recording of our sessions in our minds. I remember when I first started therapy and it was after a session and I called T because I was freaked out about this. I go, "I kept hearing what I said to you and it seemed so real." He said, "I think that's how it works."

Now, I have gotten to the point where sessions are so intense that I don't remember half of what I said and the other half comes back days later. I just live in the experience of the aftermath or afterglow depending on the session.

It takes time. Hang on.