Thanks WC and all.
I am 50/50 with going IP. started on vraylar. giving it ago. Have an understanding that tonight if I cant sleep or freak out about life going to ER. So far today I feel ok, not the best but have a plan in action and My Pdoc gave me a very long hug today told me a looked like a wet kitten from all my crying, he is really a great person. I wonder what fabric softener he uses-lol