I spent all afternoon on the phone trying to seek some financial assistance. Basically from 12:15 to 3:30 I was on the phone with various agencies, asking for help for the mortgage or anything. We usually end up $1000 short for the month, and our bank accounts are drained ($200 left).

I was transferred and transferred, given different numbers to call. No help anywhere I was just told we need to budget better. Yes, we do, but it's so hard with hypomania, and it's not like my hypo buys are wildly out of control (maybe an extra $200/month but not nearly as bad as the past). We rarely eat out; if we do, it's usually McDonalds or Subway unless we have a gift card from someone. Expenses come from things like vet bills, flea medication, cat food/litter, medications, doctors appointments, utilities, electricity, cell phones, internet. Plus, I'd have to be creative every meal with cooking, looking up low cost recipes for ingredients I have. I am a horrible cook too, so that really doesn't help. And things are expensive, like trash bags, dishwashing tablets (have to use the tablets as it is a newer dishwasher and can't take cheaper options. I already buy nearly everything store brand except cat food (they don't have food the cat's like) and Coke for my husband.

I mean, we can cut things here and there: my daughter's allowance, a couple of books I pre-ordered for my daughter off Amazon for series she loves to read (Diary of a Wimpy Kid, Dork Diaries, and Whatever After), but it's not a lot. We are members of Amazon Prime, but we already paid that membership a few months ago. We changed internet providers to get a cheaper rate. We changed to VoIP telephone to cut the home phone bill. We changed our cell phones (refurbished and outdated) to Ting to save money. We got rid of lawn service, but then my husband had to spend $300 to buy lawn care tools. We've had 2 super expensive AC repairs. I had to get my car alternator replaced. Groceries are expensive. I don't think the cuts we can make will add up to $1000, and the mortgage is $900. I have to pay $65 to the hospital monthly, $60 to the trauma surgeons, $25 to the EMS. It will take 9 years to pay off the hospital at this rate.

I have pdoc appointments and a ton of meds. My husband has meds. We have dental checkups coming up next month, and I think the dentist is going to have to extract a loose tooth my daughter has had close to 1 year (the adult canine is growing behind it). Our refrigerator sounds like it might go any second. I actually need 5 dental crowns from tooth grinding, some past crowns I have ground all the way down, and we can't afford it. I do have a dental nightguard, but I can only sleep with it in about half the time; other times it bothers me, and I take it out barely awake or even while asleep as I have no memory of taking it out in the morning.

My meds give me side effects. My M.S. overqualifies me for less stressful jobs. Both the pdoc and my PCP think I shouldn't work though I think I am going to try substitute teaching for a little extra money. It still won't bring in enough though, and I'd have to ensure my daughter could catch the school bus on time in the morning by herself (she's 10 but that might be iffy). I'm not sure she would be able to get herself out there in time to catch the bus.

My husband's school district pays more than my daughter's to sub, and is much larger, but they start earlier. My daughter's district decided to change elementary school from a 7:40 start to 8 AM and dismissal from 3:15 to 3:45 and start high school super early. My husband's school district did not make these changes, but they have many schools, some farther to commute to than others and run on nearly the same time schedule my daughter's school used to run.

Even given that, I don't know if I could handle being a sub. I can get school custodial work, but besides interrupting our schedules greatly, it would have my husband working all day, to come home and have to make dinner & care for my daughter while I'm gone 2:30 to up to midnight, depending on the school. It would wear my husband to the bone. He already is the designated ESL Physics teacher (mostly first language Spanish speaking students), and he doesn't speak Spanish at all. And practically all the kids in his school are disadvantaged, at risk, and had bad trauma from Hurricane Harvey last year.

I have a pounding headache. I am so depressed there is no help out there for people like us. I just want to cry