I had a difficult session today, in which I argued with my therapist about whether it is okay to be dependent on her for meeting (some of) my needs. She does not think so, she believes therapy is about “sampling” what I can find and foster in the real world. She’s there to show me and “help” me find in my outside life but not to be the one to satiate me. I actually thought of this metaphor and asked her if that’s what she meant - she said “yes, exactly!”

I find this so triggering. She of course acknowledged that we’re human and humans have needs, so my needs may be getting met indirectly in the therapy room, but the goal is for me to not depend on her for those. She wants me to be constantly working towards this, so she does not even want me to feel dependent on her now and therefore will not “encourage” or “engage” with those feelings. I can always talk about the feelings of course, but she will not act on them. This got me thinking that there are probably different degrees of dependence. However I think she probably feels that my dependence on her as the sole provider of the things I need is problematic.

Thoughts? Is dependence not helpful? Are there different degrees of dependence and are lower degrees okay? I mostly want reassurance that my therapist isn’t being cruel, but it’s still tough to be reminded of the therapist relationship at times. She also told me that she has no interest in me being a part of her life outside, which felt cold and cruel but that’s a topic for a whole different thread.