I totally understand what you mean. I’ve distanced myself from my closest friends because I felt like I’m sick of myself, why should I put it on others. Who wants to hang with the downer. I also am very private with my emotions. Only recently, very recently, I realized I’m not just doing wrong to myself, but to them as well. These are people I love. If they choose to stand by me what right do I have to tell them they can’t. Now in 2 weeks I opened my door twice with surprisingly unexpected results. I felt better. And enjoyed the company and was reminded that I’m still a real person.
Everyone deserves kindness...until they don’t.
Maybe you should let them decide if you’re worth it and not make decisions for other people. Just a different perspective.
Sometimes you have to take a risk and let someone in.
I’m glad you know you can get better...I think so too.