I went into IP twelve(ish) days ago, as some of you already know. In the past, IP has been a hit or miss for me and I was nervous that I'd just be wasting my time. I also didn't want to go because the idea of completely crashing and burning in my sorrow and confusion was almost too enticing. I couldn't trust my thoughts to the point where I didn't believe in anything, but believed in everything at the same time. It was exhausting to say the least.

Anyway, I just got out of the hospital yesterday. As much as I didn't want to go IP, I think it's what I needed. Halfway through, I came to the realization that I had been delusional up to that point. I won't go into detail, but I swore a demon was trying to possess me and had been tormenting me. I believed it right up until my PRN at the hospital made it all go away. It made me realize that it was all in my head. Oddly enough, I still can't sleep on the couch like I used to because of the memories of those hallucinations during this particular delusion. I'm trying to get past it, but it's hard to quiet down the anxiety that comes along with it.

All in all, I think IP helped me a lot. I'm back to being clear headed and -- while I still have SI -- I don't feel the overwhelming desire to act on anything. I'm also taking better care of myself, which is good because I hadn't shaved in weeks.

I do have some questions, though. With MDD and psychotic features, is it really possible to become delusional like that? I've known it's possible to hallucinate, but I've never heard of that kind of delusion alongside MDD. Anyway, thanks for reading but most of all, just thanks for all of the support I got from here when things were below rock bottom. I appreciate you all.