Good on you cryingontheinside, do your best, and believe you'll get through this. You can and you will.

Yes, shame is at the root core of my very being, cryingontheinside, my foundation, as well. Shame, humiliation, all those sorts of feelings and mindsets. It's tainted everything and made life hard in many respects, kind of warped my reality, my path through life. The psychologists, therapists, doctors, have pointed out that people who have experienced abuses [which I did throughout childhood] very often carry shame, feel worthless, not up to scratch, and that it's hard to reshape that mindset. Those feelings aren't your fault cryingontheinside, none of this is. But I do believe over time a person can learn to see through the illusion, yet at the same time, the shame, humiliation etc., is always there. So, I just wanted you to know, yes, I have to deal with that as well. It's an ongoing thing for me at this stage. So be it.

Try not to project too far into the future cryingontheinside, and try to keep your life in the present, like a work in progress. I really don't have the answers but I'm sure you could gain some insights and coping techniques from various sources. Stay strong in your spirit and in your heart, keep fighting please.