another thought I just had was maybe you accepted it while he was dying hon. I think once you can do that it is much easier to let them go. I just went thru this with my aunt last week. I watched her suffer for the last few months so when she passed it was almost a relief because I knew she was not in pain anymore. for me it is hard to grieve in that situation. you did say at one time I think that your brother was having a hard time with denial that is was happening. right?