There just seems to be no financial relief for us at all. I've had a horrible day again. I spent all morning emailing and calling churches. I found a food pantry, but that's it. It won't pay the mortgage or other bills, and we have enough food for now.

My husband is very down and depressed. On top of it all, his school is so cheap he has to buy supplies like scissors, rubber bands, balls if he wants to do any labs in Physics class. Those supplies have a way of walking away every year. He goes to the dollar store, but still.

I was going to try to do more after lunch, but I don't know. I have a headache, I'm nearly crying, I'm panicky (tried taking the low dose 25 mg Seroquel to see if it helps, don't know yet, I just took it 5 minutes ago). I hate myself and my life.

In addition (and this is really what upset me this morning), my daughter actually hit me on the arm on purpose while I was trying to help her get ready in the morning, so she could be on time for school. She has never done that before. We don't hit. My husband never hits me or gets physically violent with me. I have only spanked my daughter one time, when she was around 4 mistreating the our cat to the point the cat might have been badly injured, and she wasn't listening to multiple warnings. She's 10, so she may or may not remember it now. I was so upset, it made me cry.

I'm just trying to do my best, and it's not working. I hate myself so much right now for having mental illnesses, not bringing in money, and even if I did, it wouldn't be adequate to keep our house.

I am just so depressed and upset. I couldn't even eat breakfast. I'm going to try to eat lunch now. I'm so anxious, and having my husband so depressed, anxious, and panicky is very hard too. Then, we have to put on a happy face for our daughter though we did tell her what was going on.

And then she hits me