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Old Aug 22, 2018, 12:03 PM
justbreathe1994's Avatar
justbreathe1994 justbreathe1994 is offline
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Member Since: Dec 2015
Location: new hampshire
Posts: 443
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChickenNoodleSoup View Post
I think dependency isn't healthy in general. My T always stresses that in independence is one of the goals of therapy. There are ways of having needs met without being dependent on the person.

I'd say I am certainly dependent on therapy to some degree. I can't go more than two weeks without having a crisis. And I need somebody to be there in that moment and friends can't really deal with this on such a frequent basis. So I depend on my T. But at the same time, I have come to realize that I don't need HIM, I just need somebody like him. If he were to die (which we have discussed quite a bit), I'd feel sad. But I'd go out and try to replace him. That would be different if I were dependent on him, because then I'd feel it's not possible to replace him.

Depending on your issues, it's expected that you will be a bit dependent. The T shouldn't encourage it though, sicne then you just want more and more. Instead the T should help you to find the things you need within yourself. That doesn't necessarily mean that you can't ever ask for something, but in my opinion it means you don't feel there's only one person in the world you could ever ask for these kind of things. Of course sometimes the T can also help you with needs, for example having somebody who comforts you. But it shouldn't be on a constant basis, the norm should be that they help not need that from them.
Thank you for this! So much of what you said here I think my T would agree with. I think she even stated something last night along the lines of, “it’s not helpful to depend on me as the fulfiller of those needs”. I am struggling because logically I have realized I shouldn’t need the actual person in the way that I feel I need her. That’s amazing that you are in a place where you know you don’t need your T but just the things he gives you! I am defintely not there yet, lol. I think I am afraid that being able to rely on others or finding others to meet my needs will feel so generic. I’m afraid I will lose the connection with my T if I do that.