Woke up blah this morning, made myself shower and grab some coffee then went to the library. Stared at my computer trying to figure out for a long time how to transfer some files and feeling really slow. I have a hard time with concentration/executive function right before my period, and it can be quite frustrating. So, I didn't even accomplish that simple task, but at least I sent a couple emails and got out of my apartment. Doing some laundry now. Just doing basic stuff like this sometimes improves my mood a tad. I get bummed out that 1/3 of my life, other mood episodes aside, is ruled by my hormones to such a degree that it seriously disrupts my life. I try to remind myself there are little things I can do to make it better, with diet, activity, exercise. I am scared it is getting worse though . I also feel discouraged, as September approaches, that I am still in this bad mental state that I don't even understand, and it has now been about a year. Although, I am better than a couple of months ago. I told myself last August that 30 would be my best year yet because I have grown a lot as a person, my autoimmune issues seemed to be in a good place, and I was happy with my grad program and new career choice, but then almost immediately I crashed into a dark place. If I believed in that kind of thing, I'd say I rightly jinxed myself! haha Same thing happened in the past when I thought I was getting better from Lyme disease then got sick on top of it and was way sicker than before. I know many people have it much worse than me, but gosh do I sometimes think life has a twisted sense of humor and likes to mess with me. Haha I guess the best way to fight back is to just keep going.