Went to my psychiatrist today (22 August.) Here's how it went.

Doc : Is everything alright?
Me : I am pretty good at lab work now, so I was thinking about giving the medical entrance exam-
Doc : *Cuts off mid-sentence* Shut up. Don't take the exam.
Me : But I have interest in medicine.
Doc : I am interested in conquering the world. Does my aim sound realistic to you?
Me : Why?
Doc : It's beyond your capability.

(Doctor examines blood pressure, after that...)
Me : I am interested in life sciences.
Doc : Do study life sciences then (implying that I should stick to B.Sc)
Me : But...
Doc : Med school is beyond your capability. Get that thought out of your head.
Me : (Lying) Okay...
<End appointment>

After exiting the clinic, we (me and my dad) bought a really nice practice book for biology for the examination. Almost everything I want (and everything I need, aside from the books for physics and chemistry which I'll buy soon)

Don't get my psych doc wrong. The 'win the world' is a metaphor to be someone like UNO's secretariat and I am pretty sure he's just burnt out to have an attitude like that. And after all he's a psych doc, he's most likely doing what he needs to do for me to feel better. Cause I pay him for that.

A few hours ago had an argument with my mom. I was studying the newly bought book for the medical entrance examination. She was telling dad how much "spoiled" I am, that it's been ten years I am "wasted away" and how worthless I am...


I was reminded of the very appointment I had today with my psych doc.

Would he have told me to stay away from med school if IT WAS EXACTLY OPPOSITE OF WHAT MY MOTHER THINKS? Doesn't she know I have become crazy due to the fact she isolated me from the rest of the society?

Oh, by the way, dad's response was, "My friends tell me to buy him a bike...." mom cut off saying, "People say anything, those stupid ****s."

Absolutely. I should have clapped, recorded the conversation, uploaded the whole clip of the conversation on YouTube, and expected it to get a billion likes. After all, it's a parenting style different than others, a bit too different. "Don't let your kid go outside, he's gonna be a perfect high-ranking official..."

I cried after arguing with them, and of course I cursed at her. She did realize she could not beat me as she did when I used to be a child...

Before that, I was feeling a lot of psychosomatic pain in my upper left arm. She used to beat me with her right hand, standing opposite to me, because I refused to come home after visiting my relatives, of course, "those evil people" that "didn't let <my mom> be a government official."

Why is this happening to me? Do I deserve it? I am... if you're following me, you know it already like a chorus. Inbred, isolated, abused, injured, infected, hyper-stimulated....

I have technically lost my dream job (which wasn't due to anyone's efforts except mine, which was analyzing my situation whenever I went to me pediatrician and later internist.) BECAUSE my mom hates being around people... I wanted to be a normal teenager, and even more than that, a good doctor... so even my psychiatrist, a figure of authority who could have helped me by contacting the police, lost hope that I'd get to be a doctor...

I am still studying for entrance exam. I want to get away. Perhaps live a normal life -- which seems impossible -- and my mother is so intelligent and informed, she thinks me "reading" a ****ing book will store it permanently in my memory, neglecting whether I get two-times-a-day meal or not, whether I ignore the noise of both of them arguing over an affair, whether or not I get tired of hearing the disgraceful word she calls me "Kiddo" (transliterated) , whether or not I get enough sleep... all that matters is, I should 'study twenty four hours a day...'

That's completely neglecting the world without studying... I know you know how teenagers live a life, some of my friends got bikes worth hundred of thousand currency worth bikes after they passed 10th grade (high school) and here I am, still having no social life, no friends, no anything....