I posted about her before. I felt sorry for her because she is lonely. The truth is though, I do not feel interested in being friends with her. I need to talk to someone though, because I find that every so often, very infrequently, like once, since I posted about all this, I knocked on her door to say "Hello." I said I was checking on her but that was the completely wrong wording. She invited me in to eat, and I said "no thank you, I'm doing laundry." I didn't want to go in. Quite a few times, she invites me over, and I always refuse and say I can't / am busy.

I think this is probably confusing to her, me going over to say hello that one time recently. I regretted it later. I have wondered about my own behavior, and it really just makes me think of my father. He is also someone I do not care for and I still have contact with him as well. He lives with my mother, and I have a much better relationship with her. He offers to give me money at times. And I don't usually refuse. But he's creepy about it. He tries to touch my hand when he gives it to me and I am not comfortable touching him. He's incredibly creepy. I'm not sure how this relates. I'm just trying to figure out what my deal is, and thats what I thought of. My father. He feels like a ****ing guilt trip and obligation.

I don't think I should knock on her door to say "hello" anymore. It is probably a mixed message for her. I can say hi to her off her balcony, since it faces the freaking parking lot and I cannot get away without her saying hi to me.

I have mixed feelings about volunteering in a nursing home, too. I think to myself "Geez, I go there to help the elderly, but I can't even be nice to my elderly neighbor?" But the truth is, I am nice to her. And even if it is ironic, so what. I have to trust my gut, and set firm boundaries. for her, and for myself. I really think she is strange and don't want to spend time with her. She is kind of gross. No offense. But I feel grossed out and repelled by her. She gave me a lamp and I use it. I feel guilty. But yeah.

No judgments please. Thanks.

I do not really feel like I need advice, since I know what I need to do. However I am not opposed to support and insight. Thanks.