I don’t have a separate dissociative disorder, but I do struggle with dissociation related to PTSD—-feeling detached from oneself, spacing out, not recalling details or emotions of events, being cut off from emotional experience and oneself. I know the origins of dissociation are often childhood abuse (especially sexual) because children’s identity and consciousness are just developing. I do have a history of CSA as well. But I’m wondering if anyone has ever experienced dissociation during experiences of adulthood abuse, especially domestic violence.

I’ve begun to work again on trauma from a 5 year abusive relationship that ended at age 20. I’m coming to realize I have so many holes in my memory for different events.... I know the logical facts of certain things that happened, I have flashes of emotion and sensation regarding other events, I have recently remembered incidents I had forgotten after reading old journals and poetry, and a lot of things I am sure I have completely forgot. Has anyone experienced it during an adulthood trauma, especially something ongoing and interpersonal like DV? Of course I was technically a child when the DV started, and my Hx of CSA probably made me vulnerable to dissociation. I was just wondering if anyone else had that experience.

And of course, it makes it hard to process in therapy bc I don’t have full memory for most of the incidents...partial memory for some but nothing in a logical sequence. And then I started to dissociate a tiny bit in therapy too.